Confessions of an earth-bound spirit

As an ancient Celtic spirit who’s roamed much of the earth’s history, I was once asked the question, “was that you on the grassy knoll in Dallas, Texas?”

The short answer is no, I wasn't there. But to be honest, I could have been. You see, the night before Jack Kennedy died his soul made a quick reconnoiter of the sprit world he knew he was comin' home to. He met up with a bunch of his old pals at the Kings Arms where exhausted spirits would gather at the end of the day for a pint or two. I just happened to be along and sitting at the next table and couldn't help overhearin' what they were sayin'.

"So, Jack, I hear you're comin' home for good tomorrow."

"Aye, Paddy", he says, "and it’s to be a dramatic exit I'll be makin' too. Did you know I've been President down there for goin' on three years?"

Well, the talk went on and I was gettin' interested in taggin' along for the big event. This Jack Kennedy fella seemed like a fair nice chum and I finally piped up and asked if there was any chance I could be there for his grand escape. He shook his head rather sad like and said the gallery was already full since the place was not much bigger than a small hill near a bend in the road. "There's to be a big fuss made when it happens", he said. Then he turned to me. "But it's really nothin' much", he says, "just another bullet-meets-head story. We've seen it all before".

Truth be told, I couldn't have made it anyway. I was supposed to be goin' to New York City meself to prepare Doug MacArthur for his own home comin'. I got it into me head that if I could talk Doug outa his body before midnight on the 22nd, it woulda made the 2 greatest single day passin's since Jefferson and Adams.

( Mind you, that whole thing was rigged years before. Another good friend of mine, a spirit with a great sense o’ humor came up with this joke to play on future generations. "Here", he said one night after a lotta bridge playin' and fine cigars, "I've just had the greatest idea. Lets have ol' Tom and that sourpuss Adams die on the same day exactly 50 years after they signed that big independence paper”. Well, we talked about it and decided that this was just the sort o' thing that future human types would take to, like warm pigs to cold mud. So it was decided then and there that they'd both bow out on the glorious 4th in 1826. And John only agreed to it when we promised that he'd outlive Tommy by a few hours. )

But back to ’63. After checkin' with the higher ups my own idea was turned down. It was pointed out to me that no matter what Dougie thought he never actually held the post o' President so havin’ him and Jacky boy dyin’ on the same day wouldn't have anywhere near the same impact.

Jack took me back to Dallas one day later on. He was pointin’ out the school book depository to me when he started to smirk. I asked him what he was thinkin’ about. He said, “you know, I hadn’t thought about it until just this minute. But these humans make such a grand fuss over nothin’.”

I looked straight at him, wantin’ him to go on but not tryin’ to rush things. He continued, “No one’s supposed to know this for a while yet, but I’ll tell you somethin’. I left that Kennedy body long before those people started blowin’ his brains out. He was just a puppet goin’ through the motions. I watched the whole thing myself from this very grassy knoll.” With that he slapped me on the back and we headed straight for the Kings Arms.

-The Celtic Warlord